


Love Me...Not?

by LateBloomers



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, I decided on happy ending, I'm new in tagging things, I'm not sure for identity reveal, I'm not sure whether to have hopeful ending or happy ending, Ladynoir | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Ladybug, no beta we die like men, pre-reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2020-12-16 00:17:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21027131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateBloomers/pseuds/LateBloomers
Summary: Having his love reciprocated was like a dream come true for Cat Noir. He feels like he's in the seventh heaven, feels like he’s walking on the air, feels like he prepared for everything thrown at him.But nothing, nothing would prepare him to see her heartbroken plead.“Please Cat Noir. Stop doing that! You practically on your last breath! What should I do if I lost you?!”Never in his life he regretted Ladybug fall for him.But how do he made someone un-love him?Should he ask Hawkmoth for help?Nahh...just joking.





	1. Dangerous Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Basically this fic was my way of letting out my frustrations on the latest Miraculous episode *cough* love eater pt.1 *cough*. I was so frustrated and heartbroken that I wrote on my social media that 'I was totally heartbroken because my ship sunk' (and my husband called me in confusion, afraid that he was the cause). Thus, I materialize my idea (really it just a prompt idea of 'what if Cat Noir regret that Ladybug loves her?'). This took me the whole morning to write (what can I say, I'm not that good) but hope you enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug's panic attacks were worrisome....but is it okay to wish that she didn't love him?

Having his love reciprocated was like a dream come true for Cat Noir. He could vividly remember her teary confession to him and even though his heart broke on the sight of her crying, he didn’t deny the fireworks that booming in his heart. And for the next months after that, he felt that he’s walking on air and felt like he prepared for everything thrown at him…… 

But nothing, nothing would prepare him to see her heartbroken plead.

“Please Cat Noir. Stop doing that! You practically on your last breath! What should I do if I lost you?!”

It was late evening when the akuma attacked. This one had real weapon for his disposal, like, real swords that could harm people. Yes, swords. The good news was, this akuma didn’t attack unsuspecting people since he only searching for Adrien Agreste and with yours truly was nowhere to be found, he went for the superheroes. Ladybug managed to save the day but to the expense of a horrifying scene of Cat Noir being stabbed by multiple swords and bleeding furiously. The miraculous ladybug fixed all damage including him (before he let out his final breath), ignoring the reporters with a glare and took him out to one of the hidden roofs before her outburst.

He gathered her onto his arms. Running soothing claws on her back. She sobbed erratically on his chest and her voice broken. His heart shattered looking her like this. God knew how he loves her but protecting her didn’t came with that feelings. Protecting her was his duty, his job. Their dynamics worked like that.  
Okay, maybe he needed to start worrying about his wellbeing because Hawkmoth was getting desperate. His akuma was deadlier across times and he would not be surprised that one day, he indeed would die. But mark his words, that he would not die before ensuring his lady’s victory.  
But that’s not the problem now isn’t it? He had given his lady panic attacks for the fifth times this month for his stunts. He was careful enough, but it seems careful was not enough to beat the akuma. Both of them need to get stronger and wiser. But then, they might need time to achieved both and his lady’s depressions were not helping their case. She’s too scared of losing him, she’s feeling that she’s not good enough, she’s being careless in her haste to finish their fights. That’s supposed to be his attributes, not her.

Never in his life he regretted Ladybug fall for him. 

Call him selfish because he was. He didn’t want Ladybug to fall, that would break him he knew. But he didn’t have a problem of falling himself, fully aware that that would break Ladybug too.

But Ladybug, his sweet, brave, strong cherie was different. She had a loving family, number of supportive friends and even a dude who cherish her that was not him (much to his dismay). All those people including him would be devastated if they lost her. She would survive but he would not. He definitely sure that he would not survive if he lost her. He only had Plagg for comfort and he’s sure that not many people would mourn him. The math was obvious wasn’t it?  
He distantly felt her froze in his embrace before a slap in the face pull him out from his reverie. 

“How dare you said that no one would mourn you!” She spat.

Cat Noir realized that he had spoken out loud. It seemed that his inner or in this case outer monologue had fuelled the fire in her eyes.

“What do you take me for? A doll? Someone that didn’t have any feelings?”

He tried to say something, but none came out because he knew that what he had said was wrong. Totally wrong. However, he didn’t have any ounce of regret for that – maybe a little, but only a little.

Reading the resolution in his eyes, she broke again, “Y..you..selfish jerk” – welp, she just defined him – “h..how could you! I…I wish I would not fall for you if I know you will be like this” her words came with a screeching halt. She looked at him, eyes widen and he in turns, looked at her with shock and a little hurt.

Her trembling fingers went to her mouth, “I…I didn’t meant to…I…I’m sorry,” she started crying again.

Sighing, he hugged her again. Both of them were a mess and he only had himself to blame.

“No Bugaboo…shhh…please don’t cry. I’m sorry, this is my fault. I’m not flexible enough. We will get stronger, I promise. So, no one would be sacrificed again. Okay?” He murmured to her ear.

She nodded meekly, “Promise?”

“Promise.”

It seemed that those words were enough for her, or his voice who did that, he’s not quite sure. But as long as she stopped crying, Cat Noir take what he could get.

“I love you Chaton,” she said over his chest.

He dropped a kiss on her crown and said with all the love that he had, “Love you too Bugaboo.”

.......................................

They may be separated on good terms but Adrien couldn’t sleep that night. Apparently, Plagg was also mad at him. 

“Again, this is not your faults. This is all Hawkmoth’s with his twisted ways,” he sullenly said upon appearing from his miraculous.

Adrien sighed, “I know bud. That was wrong of me, and not fair to Ladybug. But then, something was inevitable. Yes, you agree with me in some degree aren’t you,” he hastily added when Plagg wanted to deny him. The kwami ears dropped and murmured his agreement grudgingly.

Adrien put three slices on camembert on his side table (just to appease the kwami) and laid on his bed, both arms at the back of his head, watching the ceiling. The sound of Plagg enjoying his delicacies was strangely comforting. 

“You know Plagg, while I myself didn’t entertained the idea of dying, the thought always came to me you know,” he said after minutes of silent. Plagg landed on his chest, discomfort in his eyes.

“But I really hate it when Ladybug break like that. And somehow, I did entertain the idea of her not loving me; at least it would save both our heart if the thing like today happened,” he said in a good humor just to appease Plagg. Just so that the black kwami didn’t bit him. It was painful alright.

Plagg looked like he wanted to explode but instead, he took a deep breath and exhale harshly.

“Look kid, this is totally not my forte. Why oh why I always got the broken one. One day, I really want to cataclysm your father in the face for planting this destructive mindset on you,” he said dejectedly, the last part, he said in a really small voice that Adrien have to strain his ears to hear but still brought a small smile from him. Plagg always knew how to make him smile and laugh.

“And if you wanted her to not love you, you need to break her heart first, is that what you want?” Plagg asked.

That. Was. Not. A. Viable. Option!

Plagg knew it. He had enough comforting his lady’s broken heart that he swear that he would not let her experience the same thing again. But then, what other option that he has?

“Hawkmoth might have some power to unlove someone right? Like the thing dark cupid have?” He tried to jest because frankly, he had no answer for that and he’s tired physically and emotionally. But that was the bad move because Plagg shot him a deadly glare. Super deadly glare.

“You. Must. Be. Kidding. Me!” He bit each words showing how furious he was towards the teen.

“Okay…okay…alright…I’m kidding. That was a nightmare, I never wanted to experience that void emotion again…jeez,” he shot a horrified look because asking for Hawkmoth power absolutely a no-no. Been there, done that.

“Good,” Plagg nodded in agreement. Seeming satisfied with his answer.

“..but kid, you’re in the seventh heaven since your love were reciprocated. Don’t you think Ladybug feel the same too? Don’t you think by loving her, you gave her happiness too?” Plagg asked.

Adrien solemnly contemplated. He never thought about it that way. Which mean, his admission was a cruel thing to do.

“That was wrong of me to think that isn’t it?”

Plagg sighed and patted the boy’s head much to Adrien’s surprise. Plagg look so wise.

Uncomfortable with his awed stares, Plagg push him to the bed and demand him to sleep. Plagg might be awkward with all these consultations, but Adrien finally managed to sleep that night.

............................................

It’s been two days before the very thought hunted Adrien again. This time, Ladybug didn’t say anything, just hugged him but her shattered glint made him ache. At that moment, his heart was so in turmoil that he didn’t realize the black butterfly until a voice resonated in his head.

“Eraser Cat, I’m Hawkmoth,” – nononono…not this void feeling again, Cat Noir heart fall with dread – “The love you have made you sad. I will give you the power to erase that love, but in return you will give me your and Ladybug’s mi….”

“Nope.” – He needed to fight this – “No freaking way. The name was lame as hell and there’s no way I let you give me lame outfits; the last time was a fashion disaster by the way; and lame powers in return of our miraculous.”

“B..but”

He seemed to broke Hawkmoth with the fashion disaster comment, “NO! Go away! My heart still can take it, grandpa!”

He could hear Hawkmoth grunting before, “FINE! But let me tell you that I’m still young. I have a son of your age! Jokes on you!”

He felt himself disconnected with the supervillain. Wow, he did break him with his comments. And did he seriously just tell him that he had a son?!

“No you don’t…” he heard Ladybug catch the akuma and cleanse it.

It took him seconds before he gathered his bearing again but what awaits him was Ladybug horrified expressions. 

“Ops,” he meekly grinned.

“Ops? OPS?!” She snarled and he jumped with guilt.

“You don’t ‘ops’ me tomcat! What the heck just happened?! Why did Hawkmoth try to akumatized you?! Chaton, did something happen, something that I don’t know?” 

Oh boy…the guilt was overwhelming, but he didn’t want her to know the source of that, so he decided to throw his poor father under the bus.

“I’m sorry my lady, it’s just things happened at home in which I wish not to discussed it with you. Secret identities and all…”

He never meant to make her feel guilty but honestly, he just wanted to side-tracked her. He knew that Ladybug could not do anything about their secrets

“I swear, one day I would cataclysm your father face myself for all he made you go through,” she murmured.

At that, Cat Noir guffawed. He couldn’t help it, he was so sure that Plagg, visited his lady occasionally that made her have the same thought as him. Boy, did he love her and his kwami.

The very idea of her not loving him still hanging at the back of his mind and he was sure that if one day, it happened, he would not fight for her love. 

He could take losing her love if it meant that he could become her knight in shining leather and would not worry of the consequences.

But for now, having her in his arms, loving him was enough.

He will count his blessings.


	2. Love Reaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat Noir is counting the blessing and Hawkmoth got Cat Noir's approval of his akuma design. Be careful on what you wish for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After calming down my fit after watching Love Eater Part 1, I find a lot of people bashing Kagami. Just want to share that in my adult eyes, Kagami is right in this case. Looking from her aspect, she is a fighter, she fight on what she wants and she had a strong character. Marinette on the other hand, never voice her feelings to Adrien (I know, she tried, but from Adrien's POV, he still struggling to become good friend with Marinette) and quickly gave up when she saw Kagami with Adrien. Not that I blame Marinette, I just think it's not fair to get mad at Kagami.  
Now onto the story. I know I said I will finish it in the second chapter, but unfortunately my idea can do only so much.

He did say he’d count his blessings, right?

So, this was one of them.

Looking at the setting sun along the horizon was always his and Ladybug’s favourite. Thus, they set up a rare date night for both of them although in this case, the first date since they got together. Thinking back, he was more mature in the relationships department since two years ago. It was like yesterday Ladybug crashed onto him, him falling in love and countless hour of bad pick up line (according to Ladybug in which he highly doubtful); not to mention his myriad of sulking and whining when Ladybug didn’t return his affections. That was so immature and embarrassing for someone who just learn about the outside social world. He chuckled.

“What’s so funny Chaton,” her voice was like velvet to his ears behind him. He’s still facing the scenery and the lift of his head indicated his response.

“Nothing Bugaboo. I remembered my epic failures when trying to woo you,” he snickered, looking over his shoulder just in time for her smile to falter.

Ladybug put down a basket she carried and circle her arm around his waist, her cheek on his back. The thumping of his heart sooth her, “You know that I love you right?”

On ordinary occasion, Ladybug would laugh with him while reminiscing his idiocy during his initial year of being superhero. However, the metamorphoses of their relationships were based on several heartbreaks and emotional shenanigans with supervillain’s interferences that left him doubting his credit and Ladybug regretting her choice of not loving him. Basically, they were an emotional mess before they got together in which leading to Ladybug’s disturbing panics of the thought of losing him.

Seconds passed in silence before he replied, “I’m still winning on the loving department though,” he turned and winked, his playful grin was enough to erase the gloomy feeling and Ladybug playfully smacked her.

“No croissant for you Sir.”

“No…not the heavenly croissant~ Please have mercy on me My Lady” he wailed, still not erasing the grin while holding out his hands dramatically.  
Ladybug just laugh and push a croissant to his mouth, just to make him stop grinning. He immediately started chewing the croissant with his right hand while his left hand produced a red rose from his behind and presented it to her.

“A rose for my lovely lady,” he said, his voice fell down a notch, making it husky. The pink tint adorning her check was enough for him to claim her lips; but the croissant in his mouth stopped him. It’s not gentlemanly to eat and kiss someone after all.

* * *

Seriously, they really needed to stop Hawkmoth. That douchebag really took Ladybug’s power for granted when creating his akuma. At this pace, he was sure Hawkmoth was resolute to pry their Miraculous from their cold dead hands.

“My Lady, no!”

It happened in seconds. He supposed to be a distraction and Ladybug already succeeded in retrieving the akumatized object. But the akuma was adamant to have the last words. So, before his lady even managed to break the item, the akuma pushed forward to touched her. Cat Noir managed to come between the akuma and Ladybug in split second. Ladybug looked with horrified gaze when the akuma touched Cat Noir and he vanished like a popped bubble.

Let just say that, the akuma and Ladybug herself should be thankful that Ladybug had the power of miraculous cure because based on the video he later watched, Ladybug had attacked the akuma with killing intensity that left the akuma a bloody mess before breaking the akumatized item that was in her hand all along.

Adrien starting to get worried. Both of them really need to get a therapy or there would be a high chance that Ladybug would get akumatized.

* * *

* * *

This was a bad day for him. And looking at the teenage, short girl walking towards him from the corner of his eyes, making his bad mood worsen.  
When, the girl stood besides him, he beat her speech by saying, “What do you want shorty? I’m busy,” he said with the most venomous voice he could managed while flipping the page of a difficult book he was reading. The girl flinched.

“You always busy. I just need 30 seconds to give you your late birthday present. Happy 17th birthday,” she replied cheerfully. Both her hand cupped a small sized box with green wrappings. Tie clip, he deduced.

Great. Of all people, this nobody girl remembered his birthday while none of his poor excuse of family or high-maintenance-so-called-best friend wished him. His lips crumpled onto a thin line.

“Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t need your sympathy. I celebrated my birthday just fine, thank you very much.”

Liar, he admitted sourly. He still didn’t move to take the present.

“Li-ar,” she pouted and put the present on the table in front of him and run away, with a blissful cry like he just said sweet nothings to her for the last 30 seconds.  
Yup, she was true to her words.

He looked at the squeeling girl and his heart ached. He had rejected her advances a lot of time but why she didn’t relent? She’s cute and cheerful and reminded him of a hamster, surely many people would like to court her. Why she wanted him? People had started to call her creepy for liking and basically stalking him. Why she went to such length?  
He toyed with the little ribbon on top of her present.

She’s too good for him. He didn’t deserve her. What worst was, he didn’t like her the way she wanted, so, when people called her bad names, it leave him with bad after taste. He didn’t want her to get hurt. Why didn’t she just stop?

Why don’t she just, STOP LOVING HIM?

His brooding stopped short, replaced with the feeling of dread and void, his mind empty and even if he wanted to, he couldn’t recall what he was thinking, and even, who he is.

“Love Reaper, I’m Hawkmoth. The unnecessary love affections people throw at you are suffocating. I gave you the power to erase those feelings so that no one was hurt - ”

Really? This Hawkmoth could do that? He could make her stop loving him so that she wouldn’t get hurt?

“-but in return, I want you to bring Ladybug and Cat Noir’s miraculous to me.”

Sounds like a good exchange.

“You got the deal Hawkmoth,” he said. The present that he got was covered with purple miasma and turned into a scythe and the miasma proceeded to cover him and changed him onto a skull covered with tattered dirty brown cloak.

* * *

* * *

Adrien almost reached his limit. If this thing namely Lila attached herself to him for another minute, he definitely punched her in the face. Model or no model.  
He thought icily, Lila was not even a good model. She only got a pass because her lying skill was top notch as usual. Adrien managed to stand the snake only because Marinette, sweet Marinette said to him that at the very least, modelling was other thing that she’s good at in addition of lying and just let her be. At least Lila didn’t hurt anyone, Marinette added. Boy, did he regret giving her the ‘high-road’ advice before.

Over the past year, Lila began to get accepted by her classmate; not through her lying but through her vice self. It just like how everyone accepted Chloe as their classmate.

This also thanks to the sweet, amazing Marinette. She took the high road alright; and at the same time, being cautious towards the Italian girl. After her expulsion, Marinette never trust Lila and after discovering that Adrien sacrificed (her words, not him; even though he thought that it was a strong word) himself to save her, she started to make innocent remark that either dismissing Lila’s extravagant claim or diverting her friends from Lila’s extravagant claim. Bit by bit, people started to see distortions on Lila’s story and took upon themselves to disregard or second guessing anything that Lila said. Even then, they never dissed her, bless those classmates of him, and he highly suspected that Marinette was responsible for those actions. She could be a little cunning and he still like her.

Back to the subject of his abhorrent that still clinging to his arm, the minutes was up, and his patience was already blown by the wind seconds ago. Okay, he will not punch her in the face (because he told her he would punch her if he found out she’s lying to people that she’s dating him) but he would push her away. Hard.  
Unfortunately, he didn’t manage to do anything before a pointy tip of a sickle (by the look of it) appeared from Lila’s chest. Lila gasp and collapse when the sickle vanished. Stunned, Adrien looked behind him and seeing a grim reaper-like person, holding a scythe floating several feet on the air.

“You look uncomfortable with her affection, so, I erased her love for you. No need to thank me,” he spouted a remarks before he floated away.

His inner anime-fanboy screaming, COOOOLLLLL~ But her responsible hero-self exclaimed, akuma!

He would chase after the akuma but before that, he had a classmate to check. Lila woke with a gasp an immediately wailed her melancholy to Adrien much to his dismay. If her overly affection that she showed him right now was not come from love…well…he rests his case.

Abandoning Lila to his other co-workers (thankfully his works here was done), he set to transform and chased the akuma.

Based on the Ladyblog, the akuma didn’t do anything except attacking one or two girls like he did with Lila which gave mixed-feelings for Cat Noir. However, the akuma appearance itself made people panic. Currently, he was crouching on top of the Eiffel Tower and waiting for the superheroes. Cat Noir arrived first, which he was thankful for because he had two sentence speech for Hawkmoth that would make Ladybug frown. The akuma looked imposing with its cloak flaying with winds (so cool~) and didn’t say anything. So, Cat Noir started, “You outdid yourself this time Hawkmoth. I must say I’m flattered you took my advice last time,” he fixed his face to be sarcastic, but he didn’t manage to hide his glee in his voice.

“You’re a dork.”

He whipped behind him and there, the love of his life stood solemnly. His initial fanboying ceased replaced by dreamlike glower. Ladybug walked to him and knocked his forehead just to woke him from his trance, her smile brightening.

“Hawkmoth said ‘blast you Cat Noir’,” the akuma started which turned the superheroes attentions to him, “- and I’m Love Reaper. I need your miraculous to fulfil my part of the deal,” he said before swinging his scythe towards them. They jumped to avoid the swing but it managed to leave a scratch to Cat Noir’s arm. It was not a bad of a wound, but it was indeed worrisome. Fortunately, the swinging didn’t do damage to objects.

First assessment was, this akuma was a polite person. Second assessment was, “Whaattt~ Hawkmoth~ Your naming senses suck!”

Ladybug coughed that suspiciously sounded like ‘dork’. Cat Noir grinned and extended his baton to hit the akuma.

“Hey, Love Reaper, what have you done to those people that you stab?” He asked in a sing-song voice.

“I just did them a little favour. Erase the love from their heart so that they didn’t feel hurt from rejection,” the akuma said with a spite but a hint of sadness.

For a moment, Ladybug thought that it was a good use of power. This man was suitable for a miraculous; before dismissing the thought. Not the time to think about that, they need to find the akumatized object. But this akuma, darn him, knew how to wield a weapon and darn him again because he could float. Ladybug stretch her yoyo to bind the akuma and tried to figure out if he has something under the cloak but nothing appealing appeared. After several hit and dodge, both concluded that the akuma was in the scythe.

Cat Noir and Ladybug couldn’t manage anymore hit before they got careless due to exhaustion, so Ladybug summoned her Lucky Charm which revealed a ladybug patterned key. While Cat Noir was having a rather spectacular clashing fight with the rather talented fighter akuma, Ladybug already gathered her clues. But then, before she managed to signal Cat Noir her plan, she saw that the akuma sneaked behind him nanosecond after sending him flying across the area. Her heart filled with terror when she saw the akuma raising his scythe towards Cat Noir; she willed her feet to drop everything and race to her lover. Her heart kept on chanting…

‘Please let me make it….please let him be safe…..please let me make it in time’  
She did make it, but she didn’t manage to evade the scythe going through her chest.

“Ladybug! No!”

Cat Noir heard someone gasping and screaming in which later he realised it as his; but even in his light headedness, he could make out the scythe piercing his lady, his lady holding the scythe through a strong sheer of will and he summoned his cataclysm to the scythe. True to their guesses, the akuma flapping out from the broken weapon. Cat Noir tried his little luck and catch the akuma using Ladybug’s yoyo, willing it to open and captured the black butterfly. It did, much to his relief. He didn’t push the luck and just stop until the capturing, instead, he scrambled towards his unconscious lady. Pulling her to his embrace, he noticed the non-existence of any blood or stab wound and exhaled the breath that he was holding for who knows how long. After seconds that felt like forever, Ladybug opened her eyes and look at Cat Noir weirdly.

“Cat Noir? What’s going on?” She asked, looking at his anguish face.

He hugged her again, “Y…you..sh…shield..me….a..and g..ot…stab..bed. I was so scared,” he shuddered violently and she couldn’t do anything but running a soothing hand on his back. Her eyes focused on the akuma victim that looked somewhat familiar, holding a broken present box.

“It’s all over Cat Noir, I’m okay,” she said calmly.

A little too calm. Cat Noir snapped his wet eyes to hers.

“Everything is okay. No damage was done,” she smiled before standing up.

“Let us find my lucky charm and get out of here.”

Cat Noir looked at his lady, flabbergasted.

‘No, it’s not ok’

‘The damage was done’

He hoisted to his feet and rushing towards her, pulling her back, he looked at her with all the love that he had. A little cracked, he said, “I’m glad you’re okay,” before bending down to kiss her.

As expected, she pushed his nose, avoiding the kiss, “Okay, no playing around. Let’s find my lucky charm.”

His lady always let him kiss her. After thoroughly searching the area, they didn’t find the lucky charm and Ladybug’s timer only left her two minutes. Cat Noir tried to calm her down, “I think, it’s okay if you didn’t evoke the cure. I think everything is okay. I think the akuma this time almost harmless. I will bring the victim back and I’m sure the akuma will vanished along your transformation, right?”

Ladybug nodded dejectedly, what Cat Noir said was true, but something was wrong. Or if there’s nothing wrong, she at least wanted to repair the victim’s item. He looked so sad. And Cat Noir looked battered.

As if reading her thought, Cat Noir assured her, “It’s okay Bugaboo. I can handle it.”

The nicknamed immediately erased her worry, “Don’t call me that,” she pointed at him and immediately dashed out after another beep, “Bug out.”

Cat Noir let out an absent wave towards her. He unfolded his right hand and revealing the ladybug patterned key before looking at the akuma victim. His voice cold but full of sympathy, “I think, you should keep the present because it would be the last one you will get from her.”

He took the victim home, all along looking towards the direction that Ladybug vanished.

**“Au revoir my love.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arghhh!! I supposed to finish this fic but nooo….I need to leave a cliffhanger X<  
I’m sorry that I’m not that good. This took me four hours to finish and my roommate will be back shortly (and I don’t like people knowing this particular hobby of mine).  
Anyway, I have an idea how to finish this story but I'm afraid that it was not at par with your expectations. Thus, I'm open to any suggestions. Just drop your ideas below or dm me.
> 
> PS: I just want to clarify something. When Adrien exclaimed the coolness of Love Reaper, it is because he’s the anime lover. In animes, that kind of appearance sometimes belongs to powerful protagonists *cough* Overlord and 07-Ghost *cough*


	3. Memories and Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette kept remembering something vague and Adrien kept on having inner monologues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the Miracle Queen episode made me resign to whatever fate Astruc decided on the MLBCN. Let me indulge myself on the final chapter.  
And Cat Blanc.... To be honest, I wrote this while considering post-cat blanc. But somehow, the episode diverged from my expectations and the Cat Blanc design made me second guessed my comment on the first chapter (Cat Blanc design is totally not lame). Let just imagine that Hawkmoth did akumatized Cat Noir to something ridiculous okay?  
About Felix....hmm..let's just made him move to Paris in the near future.
> 
> Just put up with me on this.
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTE: The indented fonts are Marinette's flashbacks and the bold fonts are Adrien's monologues.

**“It’s okay. This is the right choice. This is the best outcome. You don’t do anything wrong. This is for the best.”**

************************

“Pray tell what on earth happened to you,” the subtle concern of his father snapped Adrien from his trance. He rubbed his neck while looking sheepish.

Since Ladybug didn’t evoke her cure, courtesy of him, meant that his injuries were not healed; thus, his father’s alarm.

“I’m sorry father, the akuma had attacked Lila and I ran after it, but I fall and scratched myself. My apology, I didn’t think properly,” he explained smoothly. It’s a good thing his father favored Lila even though Adrien himself didn’t give a tic about that Italian girl. He being a superhero was unrelated whatsoever. What can he do? He’s a human first, and human have dislikes. Sue him.

Gabriel considered him for a while, “Very well, just asked Nathalie to patch you up. Good work on the modelling.”

Adrien looked at his retreating father wide-eyed. He expected a reprimand or some sort, for his reckless behavior or ‘you disappoint me’ or ‘this is not an Agreste should behave’ or something along the line but somehow, he was silently pardoned and even complimented. Surprisingly, his father seemed to be in a good mood.

“Is it just me or father looked kind of smug?” he whispered to the ever present Nathalie.

“Don’t ask,” the dark-haired assistant seemed to be so done with it.

********************

Adrien got inside his room after being treated by Nathalie (while Nathalie looked sceptical all the while and leave ‘This must be a really huge fall to have cuts this deep’ comments occasionally) and brace himself for Plagg’s outburst.

“YOU….YOU SON OF HAWKMOTH!” Plagg snarled immediately upon ejecting from his pocket.

Despite himself, Adrien couldn’t manage to hold his snicker. Everyone hated Hawkmoth so much that the term ‘Hawkmoth’ had become foul word.

“Oh, you think all of this is funny aren’t you,” Plagg folding his arms and looked at him sinisterly, feeling none of the thing that Adrien feeling right now.

“Uh..no..gosh no! - ” Adrien lamented, trying to tone up his seriousness, every trace of mirth gone, “ – I was devastated actually.”

“And you deny Ladybug the lucky charm because….” there were sneer inquiry and Adrien knew it. He combed his hair with his fingers and sighed.

“Don’t you see Plagg? This is what we were looking for. With this, Ladybug will cease to love me, some girl will be saved from getting heartbroken and all was well. The only casualty is I’m getting my heartbroken, but that’s not a big issue.”

“Not a big issue?! NOT A BIG ISSUE?! You listen here young man, if you try to belittle yourself again….,” Plagg was totally furious now, he was a flip away from cataclysming Paris.

“- No Plagg. No. I didn’t belittling myself. Listen to me –“ Adrien tried to talk to Plagg, dead set for the kwami to understand his reasoning, “ – Yes, it’s sucks. But, you saw how focused Ladybug was. This is an upgrade Plagg. And I know the consequences and I’m used to it. In addition, I prepared for it. So, you don’t need to worry the little akuma got me,” He hopefully explained, praying that Plagg went along with his wilfulness.

Fortunately, Plagg did. Damn him he definitely did, Plagg thought. But how far will Adrien go sacrificing himself for his ‘greater good’? His train of thought verbalize itself in terms of hissing.

Truly, Adrien suspected that the once a-month-hormone-thingy that happened to women also applied to kwamis for there’s no other reason for Plagg behaving like what he’s doing right now. The usual Plagg would brush things off or simply laughed at him instead of scolding him and grumbling incessantly.

Unbeknownst to him, Plagg let out a smirk behind him.

“Good job Sugar Cube.”

* * *

_She felt it, the soft brush over her eyebrow, waking her. She opened her heavy eyelids. They were hard to budge when she tried to open her eyes. Her mind was in haze, but the warmth encircled her was unmistakable. _

_“Shh….Just rest Ladybug, I got you.”_

_She could feel fingers playing with her ponytail and she couldn’t restrain a happy hum._

_“I got you. Trust me.”_

_She trusted him alright._

** _********************_ **

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng!”

Marinette snapped awake and immediately stood up.

She could hear snickers throughout the class and Ms Bustier’s unsatisfied face.

Oh boy, was she that tired that she fallen asleep during class?

Okay, maybe she kind of slept late and woke early because she got pointlessly worried about her missing lucky charm, or rather, the lack of miraculous cure after the fight yesterday. But, how should she? Cat Noir was right that nothing happened that need to be fixed and even then, she had detransformed, so the lucky charm must be disappeared by now.

She should be wide awake now, but why her sights were so blur?

The snickering only lasted a second and Ms Bustier’s expressions turned to something closed to concern.

Because Marinette was crying...

And apparently still am.

“Are you okay Marinette?” Her red-head teacher asked worriedly.

Marinette finally managed to subdue her tears and answered, “I think I am Miss. I don’t even know why I’m crying,” she averted her gaze, somewhat a little embarrassed.

Then her eyes locked with Adrien who was seating next to her. He looked stunted but he immediately shook his head and gave her a small smile and his eyes flashes sympathy.

Marinette didn’t know why but she could feel the warmth spreading her chest.

In the end, the class dismissed the little drama in respect for Marinette’s feelings and the class proceeded as usual.

Only until lunch break. That blabber mouth namely Adrien decided that it was a big thing and told Alya resulting her best friend interrogating her.

“What is it that I hear the supposed to be drool turns out to be your tears?!”

At first, Marinette was confused with the question, but if someone could translate Alya, it would be her..... or Nino. Understanding dawned on her.

“Wait…what?! Adrien thought I was sleeping and DROOLING and didn’t have the audacity to wake me up?! I am so having few choices of words to attack him later,” she fumed.

Her surge managed to calm Alya down, “Relax girl. I’d done that for you. So, tell me about the crying in the class thingy.”

Marinette contemplated for a moment on how to answer Alya, but too confused to explain it herself, she opted to answer, “I also don’t know. Maybe it was a once in a month hormone. You know what it will done to me if I’m few days late.”

Alya just smiled in understanding and wrap her hand around her shoulder. This year, she had the luck of having most of her former classmates with her again. Except Alya, Nino and Kim. That’s why she spent her lunchtime with her instead of going home. They’re walking towards their lunch spot which apparently were occupied by Nino and Adrien.

“Let’s attack sunshine boy with your few choices of words, shall we?”

* * *

**“Okay. Smile. Act natural. Keep you distance because you know what happen if you got close. And for the love of God,keep out from dying. You know what it could do to you.”**

************************

Cat Noir opened his eyes. Ladybug was straddling him. Eyes with concern and expressions solemn.

“Are you okay?”

“I think I’m fine,”

‘Except my heart ache and I can’t feel my legs because of your bland reaction of me dying’

Cat Noir hated to be reduced to dying while fighting an akuma. If he were to die, he preferred it to be sudden and painless. Slow death made all his life flashed across his mind and the amount of regrets there were so heavy that he could puke. He was sure Ladybug also felt that, the more reason to get hit instead of her.

‘But then, there’s a reason people saw their life flashed before their eyes right before dying. They were actually searching for a way to avoid their imminent death from every experience and memory they have,’ Cat Noir thought sullenly.

And boy, instead finding the way to avoid death, he made a ‘colourful’ discovery on who might behind Ladybug's mask and who definitely behind Hawkmoth’s mask. That surely made him wanted to puke until next year.

“Please don’t do that Cat Noir.”

His raging thought was perished by Ladybug’s voice, kept away for later perusal. Hope sprouted however shameless it was.

“It will be a pain to fight alone.”

And it crashed. Although, she practically corrects there.

“My apologies My Lady,” he rubbed his neck, ashamed.

She smiled,” Just don’t do that again okay?”

“Okay.”

“Bien Jouie?”

“Bien Jouie!

Adrien did freak out that night prompting Plagg to recruit Tikki to help calm his charge while he himself, feasting on the brand new cheese Adrien gave him, much to Tikki’s dismay.

* * *

_“I couldn’t tell you who I am.”_

_The masculine lips set on a grim line. She knew he would comply to her wishes but at the same time she also knew that he would torture himself with a poisoning thought about her not trusting him._

_“I beg you. Please don’t get me wrong. I love you and I want to claim you as mine even outside of the mask. But I had a premonition, or rather, I had gone to a future where you knew my identity and the world collapse. Literally!”_

_She could see he didn’t believe her and was slightly confused. She didn’t blame him. She never tell him about it. Heck, she even avoid any affection for him to avoid ‘that’ future. Nevertheless, she could see the blind trust to his emerald gaze at her. Her heart ached._

_He gave her a small sad smile, “If you say so Bug.”_

************************

Her eyes snapped open and she jerked upwards. It wasn’t a pleasant dream, but at the same time it wasn’t a nightmare either. But the dream still made her feel anxious. The problem was, she didn’t remember what she was dreaming of. When she tried to remember, it’s fleeting away.

She heard her mother called her to wake up and looked at the time.

Interesting, she woke up early despite her late night.

She brushed off the heavy feeling and rubbed her face when she felt her hand wet.

She was crying, again, but for the life of her, she didn’t know the cause of it.

* * *

**“It’s okay. You did good. Just stop getting swooned by her eyes. And don’t immediately start flirting the moment your adrenalin was high.” But the way she looked at him when she thought he’s not looking… “No! No! FOCUS Cat Noir! You did this and you need to follow through. You’re not allowed to feel regret. Do it just like what Tikki told you. Take a deep breath….”**

************************

The following month brought Adrien countless of mixed emotions. There’s a time when Ladybug appeared for the akuma and immediately ‘bug out’ without sparing him a single glance and Adrien had tried his hardest to tone down his flirting. He only managed that much.

There’s also a time when he practically died and when he was revived, Ladybug only smiled and with a solid remark of ‘power up and stop dying’ and ‘good job partner’, gave him a fist bump and yoyoed away. It supposed to be the outcome that he pursued but he couldn’t help the hollow in him.

He expected the non-existence of the tender eyes, dreamy smile, lovely blush and affectionate hug and kisses. Honestly, he had expected them. It just like the whole two years of unreciprocated love prior their relationship, but then, why?

Basically, this was more than what he asked for. Ladybug treated him like a partner, an expandable partner which was better than he asked for. Although the nonchalant attitude kinda stung. The akuma not only erased all her romantic love for him, but also her platonic love for him. If he didn’t know any better, he would think that Ladybug had forgotten all about him, but she still remembered him to some extent. That’s gave little assurance for him.

Cat Noir crouching on one of the rooftops while looking at the city. This had become a habit of his after every fight with akuma. He needed to psyche himself to accept his fate. Accepting his broken heart. He needed to let his lady go. Except he couldn’t. God, he’s selfish, wasn’t he?

Little that he knew that his lady encountered similar mixed emotions.

* * *

_ “Wow! Hot chocolate!”_

_“Yes..yes…don’t get so dramatic every time. Just drink your hot chocolate,” she laughed._

_The hot vapor was blown and the hot chocolate was sipped followed by a whine of pleasure._

_“Thank you, you are my angel.”_

_“Again, you’re exaggerating.”_

************************

Lost….

That was what Marinette feeling right now. She had no idea why.

Not only that, her nights were spent on having forgotten dreams that made her cry upon waking up and sometimes having dreams about how Cat Noir protected her.

Yes, it’s his job. She knew that. Nonetheless, it didn’t mean that she didn’t worry about her partner.

Wait, screw it. It’s not his job. That was their self-satisfactory explanation for not being strong enough to blocks the akuma’s power. Ladybug should ensure her team’s safety.

Not only that, Tikki was being in a contemplative mode at odd times should not made her suspicious, but she did.

* * *

_She felt something brushed her cheek. Her heart felt warm and she felt giddy._

_“What are you thinking about Ma Minette?”_

_She smiled; happiness filled her with the sight of him._

_ ************************ _

“It’s true isn’t it Marinette? You were friend with a no-good man, and he asked you to do indecent things with him and his groupie?

‘I’m what now?’ Marinette looked tiredly at Lila and apparently Rose.

Don’t sigh….don’t sigh…don’t sigh……

Marinette sigh….dang it, she had heaved a sigh.

“Do tell me Lila, where did you know this because as far as I remember, I didn’t talk to you for two weeks,” she rubbed her temple subtly. Lila must had been in a foul mood if she started spouting blatant lies about her which she rarely done it nowadays, mind you. A subtle glance towards a sour Adrien answered her question about what the cause was.

“B..but…..I saw you. I heard your conversation and I was worried!” The infamous crocodile tears had met their appearance after long absence.

Seriously, Lila really had a bad timing to frame her on something. She seemed so concerned but she just wanted to spread mud to her reputation, judging on how the whole male population in the classroom excluding Adrien watched her with sympathy.

Luckily, she already knew how to deal with Lila.

“Now…now..Lila. I need you to perish that thought because I’m sure that you were mistaken. As far as I know, all my male friends were respectable type of people and Alya can verify that,” she looked to a nodding Alya who apparently came to borrow some books and overheard the conversation, “ – and if there’s someone like that, I would hit him hard, even with a bread if I have too,” she heard an awed gasp somewhere besides her, “ – and finally, I will not do any ‘indecent’,” she supplied with an air quote,” – things with anyone else other with the man that I love,” she stopped. It sounded that she had concluded her statement judging with the murmurs of agreement that cycle throughout the classroom but Marinette didn’t stop because of that, but it was because she had an epiphany.

It felt like Lila hit something close to home but what?

She felt it again. The feeling that washed over her that one time a month ago when she detransformed. Like a burden was lifted from her but she also felt like it was something wrong. Like the burden lifted was a burden worth carrying for.

She felt the passing regret. Like she done something that she shouldn’t have…..

* * *

**“Am I making a mistake? Marinette had been weird lately. What am I thinking? So far, no one said anything on the Ladyblog about this.”**

************************

Adrien looked at Marinette who stunted besides him. She’s been acting funny these past weeks. There were time she all laugh and smiley and then she came to abrupt stop and looked lost.

Just like right now. She looked all frustrated and annoyed while facing Lila when she suddenly stood straight and her eyes blanked.

Adrien didn’t know why, but he felt the guilt gnawing on him. Like he’s what at fault. But that couldn’t be it right?

* * *

_The scenery was beautiful and the companion besides her made it better. Holding his hand, resting her head on his shoulder; Marinette wouldn’t change it for the world._

_However, it was late, and it was a school night._

_“I guess, we need to go back,” she smiled and proceed to stand up but her attached hand hold her back for the man besides her didn’t budge. Marinette looked at him in question. _

_The gloved hand that hold her also gloved hand tighten._

_“I love it on how your hand fits mine,” the awe in his voice was unmistakable._

_Her heart bubbled contentedly. Yes, she knew. She had thought the same thing everytime his hand held hers. _

_Her linked hand was kissed by a sweet, gentle lips._

************************

“Marinette!”

The hushed whisper woke her up and by the worried look on Juleka’s face, she knew she was crying again. The supposed to do their project in the library and she managed to fall asleep. Marinette felt guilty.

However, none of her friend held her to that and more worried to her ‘crying in the sleep’. And they didn’t even know how frequent that was lately.

“You starting to worry us Marinette,” Rose started.

“Yeah, you know that you could always told us, right?” Alix supplied.

Marinette looked at her friends slash groupmates with appreciation after settlings herself down.

“Thanks, you guys but I think, it was monthly hormone thingy,” which received a nod of understanding.

‘Thingy’ that had been happening for the whole month.

Thus, she confided to Tikki that night.

Tikki, who had passed her contemplative period, returned to her cheerful wise self.

“I couldn’t say exactly what wrong. But your unconscious self might want to tell you something. Your heart is crying while your brain didn’t know anything. There’s a hole between you mind and heart and your body is sending you signals.”

She kind of understand Tikki’s explanation and at the same time kind of not. It might show on her face when Tikki continued, “It’s okay Marinette. Given time, you will get the answer. Just, don’t push yourself too hard okay. We don’t want you to break down and lash out on the poor Cat Noir again right?”

Her brain stop thinking.

‘Again? Did she ever break down and lashed out to Cat Noir?’

“What do you mean?” She asked incredulously. It’s true that Cat Noir kind of reckless and made her job harder, but there’s no way she’s savaging Cat Noir just because she felt burdened by her responsibilities.

Nevertheless, Tikki looked surprised.

“You didn’t remember?” Then, immediately she looked at her chosen in revelation, “You must have forgotten then,” she giggled.

Marinette jaw dropped. There’s no way she would forget something so cruel. She had done it?! Toward the Cat Noir who supported her?

Before she confront Tikki about it, they were disturbed by an akuma alert.

The topics was forgotten in face of Cat Noir almost fatally hit by the giant akuma. Again.

Well, at least this time he managed to get away.

* * *

**“Just changed your mindset. She didn’t love you. Yes, she rejected you countless time. Like, 357 times direct rejections excluding indirect one. She preferred to love someone outside her hero life so, you’re not in the equation. So, forget that she finally love you. Forget that all.”**

************************

Except he couldn’t and refused to forget. Adrien continued his pace around his room that he had make as a habit whenever he was alone, sans Plagg for the past month.

The past year since they had become an item, out of public knowledge of course; was full of happiness. The one that he finally grasped. That he strive to embrace and never let go.

Except that he let it go. And he had only himself to be blamed.

"Oh Plagg, what have I done? "

“Yes, what have you done,” with the same tone as before Plagg responded. He was gulping the fifth cheese since Adrien started to pace. He returned to his devil-may-care attitude, thank God. Ironically, he wanted the serious Plagg at this particular time, when he realized his mistake.

"You know Plagg, I think I took Ladybug's affections to me for granted. With her, I never felt unwanted. Even if her feelings for me are platonic, it was enough. It was enough loving her at it is."

"You think ? " Plagg replied in a sing-song manner.

Adrien stopped, tone accusing, he said to the tiny being, “Why didn’t you stop me Plagg?”

“But if I tell you that, you still wanted to proceed right?” He cut before Adrien managed to say anything and received as whine as a response.

‘This kid was impossible, typical teenagers I guess,’Plagg thought. In all honesty, he didn’t want to do anything about this mess. After all, it’s not the end of the world if Ladybug was no longer in love with Cat Noir.

Adrien already stop his pacing and sat on his bed defeatedly. The black kwami hovered over the young man and he could hear the subtlest of sobs.

But it was the end of the world for teenage Adrien it seems, because Plagg could bet his cheese that older, more matured Adrien would embrace the defeat and look forward.

And would start to woo his lady from the scratch.

If it was the matured Adrien. The one sobbing on the bed, not so much.

Conceding, Plagg sighed in defeat.

“Now, I will give you one and ONLY one advice and by cheese, I hope you hold this one dearly,” he paused to inhale for effect, “ - MAN UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITIES OF YOUR CHOICES!” He said with an air of finality that immediately snapped Adrien up and schooled his face to a professional man.

At that, Plagg softened, “You can whine, you can cry, you can even wail. But at the end of the day, promise me that you move forward and face your future,” he said softly.

Adrien face changed and he progressively smiled.

“And now you owe me a wheel of expensive cheese. Those speech didn’t come out cheap you know.”

The black cat received chuckles in return.

* * *

_The laugh caught her by surprise. She knew she heard him laugh before but this time it seems genuine, unexpected, something truly from the heart, truly mirrored his happiness. _

_"That was good Ladybug. No one had made me laugh that hard except for my mom and Plagg."_

_She didn't know what saddens her the most. The fact that this was the first time she truly heard him laugh after knowing him for over a year or the fact that only Plagg that could make him laugh with all of his being like that._

************************

Marinette had reached her boiling point and she needed to have the ‘talking’ time with Tikki again.

“Tikki,” she began hesitantly towards the kwami who was munching her macaroons. The little being looked at her inquiredly.

“Did I used to lash out to Cat Noir?”

Tikki feigning surprise, “You seriously didn’t remember? Not to worry Marinette, it’s not a big deal. You might forget all about it.” She said that but all the while, she set out her feast to turned fully at Marinette. There’s a solemn determination in her eyes behind her smiling face.

“Am I Tikki? I’m sure I would not forget if I did that to Cat Noir…,” she stopped before she jerked at her kwami. Her eyes widen in surprise, “There’s something else isn’t it? There’s something you’re not telling me about…” She lost her words because her deduction sadly reached up until there.

Marinette looked at Tikki hard and Tikki returned her chosen’s gaze with equal intensity.

“Go on,” the kwami urged which slacken Marinette’s intense stare.

“Wait,” Marinette said, incredulous, “You’re okay with me pursuing this? This was not some secret about the miraculous or something?”

Tikki shook her head, “Sadly, it’s not. Before you flip out on me, I just wanted to apologize because I only wanted to honour that person’s wish.”

Marinette crossed her arms on her chest and thinking. After minutes, her face showed revelation, “Is it the time with that skeleton akuma? The reaper something on his name? Something happened that time isn’t it? I was struck after all.” That made sense. All the weird feelings, the dreams, the crying and even Cat Noir odd atmosphere happened after that particular akuma.

Tikki gaze soften. She looked at Marinette wisely.

“People said, the opposite of love isn’t hate, but rather indifference.”

At that admission, Marinette’s jaw slacken, “I was in love, wasn’t I?”

Tikki gave a subtle nod. Her face showed pity.

That would explain all the dream. All the love that she felt towards the faceless person in her dream. There must be something wrong when she was struck or maybe it affected Ladybug but the effect on Marinette was quite dull. That must be the reason why she didn’t bother to feel affected by Cat Noir and all his stupid stunts and sacrifices. Then, when she detransformed, the feeling finally caught up rushed to her that made her knees weak.

Anger and weird curiosity fuelled her, but she didn’t have the heart to explode at Tikki. The little being’s face showed that even she didn’t like the circumstances.

“Who was it?” Marinette seethed. Her lucky charm were gone. Someone must had stolen it.

“Marinette…”

“Wait, or rather, is that why I feel normal around Adrien now? I used to become tongue-tied in his presence. Is that why? Who would do such a horrible thing?”

Tikki jumped a little, thankfully out of Marinette’s view.

‘It seemed, Adrien still have a part in her heart.’

* * *

**“I need to man up and face the consequences. Yes. Ladybug is doing better. This could work. And when we captured Hawkmoth and revealed herself, I will pursue her. If I’m not too late that is.”**

************************

“You know, you might want to check your pockets before you threw your clothes in a laundry basket. We don’t want any cheese got ruined in the washing machine, right?”

“Plagg, I find it hard to believe that you will allow any remains in my clothes,” Adrien sassed back but still checking all his dirty clothes’ pockets. He felt something in his pants pocket. This was the pants that he accidently put in his wardrobe and was mistaken as clean pants.

Upon seeing the object that he retrieved from the pocket, the blood drained from her face. His hand’s shaking.

“Plagg hovered in front of him, holding half eating Pont l’Eveque (he did buy him the smelliest cheese money can buy) and looking at the item.

“Congrats kid. It seemed that Tikki decided to give you, or in this case maybe Ladybug a second chance.

Adrien took a while to answer and removed his gaze from the offending object on his palm and if there’s a fly in the room, it already laying eggs in his mouth by how low his jaw dropped.

“Bb..but…I don’t understand Plagg. This supposed to be gone,” he finally said.

Plagg shrugged, “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Adrien who initially looked hopeful immediately shook his head and put a determined face, “You know what I’m going to do Plagg.”

Plagg’s ears dropped, “Whatever you say kid. But you might want to hold on to that in any case,” his eyes darted back to a red and black polka-dotted key on Adrien’s shivering palm.

* * *

* * *

It was dark at night when he saw the leather clad superhero standing on top of a roof accessible via the fire escape stairs. He didn’t know what compelled him but when he run up the stairs after lock picking the entrance door, he realised that he was desperate.

Cat Noir didn’t turn his head in greetings upon his arrival but by the twitch of his ears, the hero knew he was coming.

“Cat Noir, I found you at last,” he spoke, a little out of breath because of the unexpected exercise.

“I know,” Cat Noir replied. His voice cold, really different from his usual demeanour.

He hesitated. He shouldn’t do this but the lost was too overwhelming that threaten him to cry every time she gave him that platonic smile.

“I told you, haven’t I? That this thing couldn’t be reversed. You did this yourself,” Cat Noir continued, still didn’t look at him.

“But I don’t know what else should I do. I tried talking to her, but her friends had been giving me dirty looks and I just realised that all this while, I could see her because she always find me,” his voice were full of wounded pride that Cat Noir finally looked at him with compassion.

A moment passed between the two guys.

“That’s life Felix,” finally Cat Noir said softly, “You find yourself taking things for granted countless time.”

“But it’s because of the akuma!” Felix argued.

“But if the akuma didn’t happen, will you finally love her? Or you finally broke her, and she left you with vengeance and you will still reach this point but with uglier mess?”

Felix froze. Cat Noir was right. If he didn’t become Love Reaper, he will never learn, and he ended up doing the same thing towards Bridgette. He ignored the question on how Cat Noir knew him too well and pushed it to the back of his head and focusing on his next course of action but came with none.

“Even if she returned to love you, what will you do?”

“I…I don’t know…”

For a while both men engaged with a staring contest; one was reprimanding, and one was pleading.

“Do you think that Ladybug can do something?” Felix knew that he didn’t have any right but still, he timidly asked the question.

“If she could, the miraculous cures of the last two month could fixed this don’t you think?” Cat Noir replied. His claws were playing with his bell.

“True.”

“But if we explained to her and asked…”

“Don’t,” he hissed, “Don’t include her in our mess Felix!”

“But…,” then hero’s words registered, he immediately snapped his gaze towards the black figured man. Anger fuelled within him.

“You are affected,” he accused, his gaze hardened.

“What?” At least Cat Noir had the audacity to look almost guilty. Almost.

“I struck you,” he contemplated, “Wait…no, that’s not right. I struck someone that the person you love, love.”

That made more sense. The whole Paris knew about Cat Noir’s unrequited love for Ladybug. And she rejected him because of some other guy.

The look in Cat Noir’s face prove he’s right.

“You lowlife….” Felix seethed.

“No! You’re wrong! It was me she loved, and I need her to un-love me!”

Why on earth even in the mask, Felix could intimidate him.

Cat Noir cringed.

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS CAT NOIR?!”

Both boys jumped from their seat and fixed their gaze on the upper roof of the building. There stood Ladybug in her glory.

Felix looked pleading towards Cat Noir but receive a vehement ‘NO’ gaze in return.

Ladybug jumped onto the roof they were on. Her eyes flashing in anger and for once, Felix felt the fear in him. This was scarier than the time when she punched him by pretending to be Adrien and tried to kiss her.

“You,” Ladybug pointed at him but her gaze full of fury was fixed on Cat Noir. He flinched.

“Even if I managed to un-do the thing that the akumatized you done, I don’t think your problem would solve by itself,” this time, she looked at him. Felix expected a snarl but Ladybug looked at him in a gentle but sad expression.

Her words cut deep. There’s a hope in there, Felix realized. And the rest was up to him.

Felix straighten and return Ladybug’s gaze, “I tried my best. Thank you Ladybug.”

And thus, he excused himself. Feeling a little sorry for Cat Noir that undeniably would receive Ladybug’s wrath. If her furious look was anything to go by.

* * *

**“I’m dead. I definitely gonna die. Forget about having her love me back, she will hate me for sure!”**

************************

The short interchange between Ladybug and Felix was making Cat Noir hoping that he could slip out from his very spot. But that would mean imminent death.

He’s scared alright. Furious Ladybug was a no joke. Just look at all the akuma that she beat to pulp following his ‘death’ in the past. That’s not including her verbal promise on what she would do to Hawkmoth and Mayura the moment she got her hand on both of them. Boy, did he feel sorry for his caretakers. Ops, he forget about that small details.

He recoiled the moment Ladybug turned to him.

In all his experience as Cat Noir, Adrien would confidently say that he was much better than Ladybug in terms of physical strength. He already had the physical ability in his civilian form after all. But at that moment when Ladybug moved in front of him and grabbed his collar that he choked, it all happened in the blink on the eyes.

Or maybe the fear paralysed him. Wait, this was not the time analysing their strength power nor appreciating her adorable flushed angry face, his neck gonna crash.

“What have you done Cat Noir? Is it you who stole the Lucky Charm? ANSWER ME!!”

* * *

_She cried under the rain. Cried hard. She felt herself full of regret. She regretted that she didn’t appreciate him. She regretted that she didn’t answered his feelings. She regretted…_

_“Ladybug? What are you doing here? Why are you drenched?” An umbrella covered her from the rain._

_“I…I am sorry that I’m too late.”_

_“It’s okay, you still managed to defeat the aku….”_

_“No! It’s not that!” She shivered so hard, a gloved hand pulled her close, sharing the little warm that they had. The rain lessen as if wanted to give her a chance to tell the absolute truth._

_“I…I’m so…sorry. I’m i..in..lov…”_

_ ************************ _

She released him when she realized that he’s choking.

It was almost familiar, the frustration within her. Did she just lashed out on Cat Noir after reminding herself that it was the worst thing to do to her partner?

Her building panic came to abrupt halt when she saw it. Her eyes widen.

Due to her violence, Cat Noir’s bell zipper was pulled down, showing a ladybug patterned key hanging around his neck.

She didn’t wait and snatched it while Cat Noir busy coughing out for air. She couldn’t help it. Her guts, instinct, heart and mind; all of them conspiring to tell her that the item was the key to all her unrest.

“NO! Please don’t Ladybug!”

She looked at Cat Noir, “What’s the meaning of this Cat Noir?! Why is my lucky charm still here?”

I didn’t make any sense. Her lucky charm should have disappeared alongside her detransformation but it still there. Scratch that, it seemed that her suspicion that Cat Noir stole her lucky charm was true after all.

Ladybug felt the building disappointment within her. What she would say about that huh?

“I..I don’t know! Plagg said that this is the favour that Tikki did for you,” Cat Noir had the decency to sound guilty. He better felt that.

Refusing to thing the effect of Cat Noir’s action on her, Ladybug look back at her lucky charm. If she throw this, she would remember the person she love. There would be no more dreaming and crying. She would get her answer. She prepared to throw the thing but a clawed hand stopped her.

Cat Noir stopped her! The nerve!

"Please don't do this Bugaboo. You will get hurt. You already have a lot of responsibilities and emotional baggage. Don't worry Bugaboo, this didn't hurt anyone. You surely will regret this."

Didn’t hurt anyone?!! She was sure as hell that she’s hurting right now. How dare he! How dare he!

"Don't you think that since it is my feelings, I have an opinion of my own? If I'm in love with someone and if it was a healthy mutual relationship, why should I regret this?"

"You don't understand! He's a baggage! A huge one! A liability!" He said desperately, exaggerating the last part.

The fist collided with his cheek was faster than her brain could comprehend. But then, sorry not sorry. Ladybug was offended, "How dare you accused him like that?!"

She might as well didn’t remember the person she in love with but the warmth that accompany her after each dream was the best proof that that person was not in any authority the person Cat Noir spoke of. And if that person was Adrien, well, Cat Noir deserved another punch from her.

Cat Noir looked at Ladybug incredulously. She seemed to have no idea who's her boyfriend was, but he highly suspected that she thought that it was her crush.

"Alright," he relented while rubbing his still sore cheek, "but, promise me that you tell me the moment you regret it."

"I said I have my own....."

"PROMISE ME!" He cut her.

"Fine"

She hesitated at first but one thing for sure was she wanted the feelings back. The feelings that she had in all of her dreams. The feelings towards the man that she failed to recognize after waking up. The feelings that cruelly snatched from her and detained by an equally cruel Cat Noir.

“MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!”

She faintly saw Cat Noir gave out a sad smile before the coccinelle swarmed her.

* * *

_“It’s okay Ladybug, we can do this together,” he tried to calm her, but she didn’t have any of that._

_In her anger, she splashed him with the cold water from her glass._

_“It’s easy for you to say! You can go on with your merry life not caring about anything! I’m tired of pretending to be perfect! I’m tired of lying to my families and friends. I’m tired with all the responsibilities. I’m a teenager for Godsake! Can’t I just make one mistake and never get reprimanded for it!”_

_She didn’t see something flash on his eyes, she’s too busy pitying herself._

_Moment passed after her outburst giving her time to gasp for air._

_“Just give up,” the clawed hands now were on her shoulders. _

_“Wha…what?” She looked up. Tears streaming down her face._

_The smile that she saw was a broken one but at that point of time, she didn’t care less._

_“It’s okay. Just run away Bug. Let go all of your responsibilities. To hell with them,” the conviction in that voice was unmistakable. She looked at him in horror._

_“Are you crazy?! This is not a play…”_

_“I will carry your burden,” he intercepted. His tone solemn, “I will take all of them. I can handle it Bug. If I don’t know anything, I will learn. The kwamis can help me. I can manage. I need to be.”_

_The hands on her shoulder retreated, “Passed the role of the guardian. Forget everything. You will be free, you will be happier. You are free to be with the people who love you. In addition, I will watch over you in the shadow. Isn’t it nice?”_

_She didn’t know what exactly happened and why._

_But one thing that she knew, in every word exited his mouth, his heart was breaking. Something forlorn threatened to enclose his heart. She just knew…._

_Thinking back, she should smack her stupid self, hard._

_Because that time was a turning point where he had thrown away his self-worth out of the window and she allowed that._

_“Okay.”_

************************

She wept. The tears fall mercilessly across her cheeks.

That was a distance memory but that’s like a slapped of reality to Ladybug. Cat Noir’s words before she threw the lucky charm registered in her brain.

How could he had said that he was a baggage, a liability? How could he think that she would regret her feelings for him?

And of course, Cat Noir panicked and misunderstood.

“Nonononono…..please don’t cry bug. I know this would happen,” he immediately hugged her but that, made her wail harder.

How could she? How selfish could she be? She claimed that Cat Noir was a cruel, selfish jerk; but wasn't she as guilty? She knew for a fact that Cat Noir would do anything from her. He did everything for her but how could she have pushed him onto the corner like that?

Cat Noir was wrong. Something changed for the better after they love each other. They had become stronger but too afraid of losing each other making them to distrust themselves.

The tears slowed down with a new determination. She looked up, locking contact with a worried Cat Noir.

She steeled herself and give a hard pat that as strong as a slap on both Cat Noir’s cheeks. The dark hero stunted.

“I deserved that aren’t I?” He asked forlornly.

The answer came in a form of a kiss.

Cat Noir seriously didn’t quite follow what was happening.

After the cure, Ladybug was crying, and then he was slapped, and suddenly he was on the ground with Ladybug’s mouth on his lips?!

Ladybug retreated and inch from him, palms still attached on both his cheeks.

“You’re not a liability,” she whispered, her gaze stern. Then she kissed him again.

“You’re valuable to me,” she kissed him again.

“You’re worth it,” she kissed him again. This time more passionate than before.

Both retreated after a while and Ladybug pulled a jelly-legged Cat Noir up. Her hand brushed his hair from his eyes.

“And engrave this in your hard-headed brain; I love you with all my beings,” she said this as stern and gentle as she could.

Tears threaten to fall from Cat Noir’s eyes. Is it okay? Could he be this happy? Would Ladybug forgive him eventually with their impending battle with Hawkmoth?

Ladybug waited for him. Her eyes gentle and she gave him a serene smile.

She love him, Cat Noir realized. And somehow that’s enough. He smiled back and nodded.

“I love you too.”

She knew, it was a long shot, but she would make him feel worthy to be himself again. She would spend her whole life with that.

“But I still didn’t pardon you for stealing my lucky charm.”

“Erk.”

* * *

* * *

**BONUS:**

Felix sighed, bracing himself for something he couldn’t even identify. He saw the miraculous cure that evening, and his guts told him that it was the cure that he was waiting for. But if that was the case, Bridgette would hover him all day and annoyed the life out of him. On the other hand, if it’s not, the dull ache on the crumbled expectations terrified him.

That’s why when he walked to the locker room and saw Bridgette fidgeting nearby his locker, both hands hiding behind her, and mumbling something with great intensity; the warmth that spread over him was a new sensation. Felix, for the lack of better word, was happy. Of course, it didn’t show on his face thank you very much, but his eyes spoke volumes.

Then, Bridgette noticed him and beamed. She skittered to him and brought forward her hands, that holding two tickets to movie premium, “Felix! Wouldyouliketogotothemoviewithme?”

It was so fast that it took a while for Felix to understand what she was saying and the next second filled with awkward silence. And then Felix saw it, Bridgette was shivering, and she hold her breath as if she was ready to be punched. He didn’t know why, but he suspected that Bridgette wanted to apologize for not swooning on him for over one month.

That’s totally not her fault. Silly girl.

He took one of the tickets and basked himself in adoration on her shocked face.

“Just text me the time and place to meet later,” he said, hiding his smile behind the ticket he took.

He fully expected the uncluttered happiness and high squeal from her as she ran away from the locker room, but it still amazed him.

‘He could do this,’ he thought.

Baby steps……

(Although, for safety measure, he would text ‘Don’t make me regret this’ just to warned her.

After she got a text from her of course. Because he didn’t have her number..duh.. but for some inexplicable reason, he knew she have his.)

At this moment, he was thankful he got this second chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just realised that I'm bad at writing endings. My apology for any dissatisfaction in advance.  
No beta here. Apologize for any error.  
I need to give credits where it's due though. Some of these ideas I got them from other fics (in which I failed to find. If I find them I'll put it here) since I'm sucked at fluff.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, basically, this is not my whole idea.This supposed to go down the angst road with Cat Noir's wish came true but I didn't have the resolution for that. So for now, I stopped at this. I might or might not brainstorm for part 2. I prayed that I managed part 2 because that was my whole idea.


End file.
